Well here goes, I said i’d say what happened at Elliot’s birth. Lets starts from the very beginning. Everybody had been commenting on how small my bump was, but honestly as it was my first child I had no idea. I could feel him move, although I was starting to get worried when people in my baby group kept saying there partners had seen the baby move in their belly etc. Elliot’s movements where little and I’d often ring the midwife complaining of reduced movements. They got me in but listening on a doppler they said everything was fine.
It was a Friday and I woke up feeling really funny – I went to work and then eventually ended up calling a midwife. Luckily the company I work for are very supportive and told me not to worry about work and get myself to the hospital. Luckily they did – as my blood pressure was extremely high and their was protein in my urine. The midwifes said I needed to be admitted straight away as my BP was borderline my organs beginning to fail.
I spent until the Monday at grimsby hospital, I had various tests and injections. Then I had a scan for Elliot, he only weighed 1lb4 and at that stage should of weighed more. My placenta has began to fail, and Elliot wasn’t getting everything he needed from me. Now as a mother my job was to grow him inside me and keep him safe, and to be told that was heartbreaking. I felt so guilty and to this day I still feel partly responsible like my body had failed him. I started crying instantly and had to walk from the scan room back to my room on the ward an absolute mess. Chris tried to keep me calm, he kept saying we knew he was small because of your bump, it’ll be ok. I got back to my room within an hour someone came in and told me, I would be delivering the baby that day. Then someone else came in and said it would be at Sheffield.
Chris wasn’t allowed in the ambulance he had to follow us down – I was petrified. Luckily I had a lovely midwife, who actually came with me. I cannot thank her enough (I wont mention her name) but she kept me calm the whole way there. I don’t think id of made it there without her coming with me. She kept me sane on the ride there.
I got there at 4 o’clock in the afternoon, Chris arrived at 4.30. I told him to call my mum. Elliot was born at 7.43 by emergency C-section and was immediately taken away, I didn’t even get to hold him. They just quickly held him up and said that’s your son, Chris left my side to go see Elliot and then he was taken to special care and put in an incubator.
Later that night they told me everything was looking good and that he was doing really well. I was on a high dependency ward so couldn’t even go see him, Chris had to keep going alone and taking photos for me. My son only lived for 7 days, and for 2 of them I couldn’t even see him.
The whole experience was so scary and without Chris by my side I doubt Elliot would of even made it that far, as I have a phobia of needles and hospitals and everything. He held my hand every second of the way. He stayed strong the whole time, and he did everything I asked of him. Never once did he let me down.
After my C- section the specialist told me, I could of died and that my blood pressure was at a critical level. The staff at Jessops who delivered Elliot were an amazing team, they took into consideration my fears and did everything they could to make my comfortable, some where even due to swap shifts but stayed as I felt more comfortable with them. Without the amazing staff there, I actually cannot think about what could of happened.
I now realise I am more brave than I ever thought, I just wish I could use that braveness to stop the sadness I feel more or less everyday. I know in time and with the support from my loved ones I will get there.
Thanks for reading
X
Finding Neverland 